96: Feeling guilty about moving abroad? Why it happens and how to overcome it.
Why Guilt Shows Up When You Move Abroad (And How to Handle It)
Feeling guilty about moving abroad is more common than you might think. Many people feel torn — questioning whether they’re doing the right thing by leaving family, friends, and their home country behind. If you’ve ever felt guilty about moving abroad, you’re not alone. I felt guilt for living far from family and friends when I first moved abroad, but I’m hoping you’ll be able to avoid any guilt after this episode and blog!
In this episode of the Move Abroad Podcast, I share why this guilt shows up, how to reframe it, and practical steps you can take to manage it — so you can fully embrace your new life abroad without the weight of guilt holding you back.
Why Does Guilt Show Up When You Move Abroad?
Guilt often emerges when we make a big change that affects others, like moving abroad. It’s a response to feeling like we’re letting people down, whether it’s family, friends, or even our home country. I know I’ve been there — when I first moved abroad, I was so excited to start a new adventure, but I didn’t expect the weight of guilt that followed.
Some of the things people said to me triggered these feelings:
- “I love my family too much to live abroad,” — a friend.
- “Why did you move abroad? Is the US not good enough for you?” — someone I had just met.
- “I feel like you abandoned me,” — my sister.
These words stuck with me, especially because they were rooted in love and concern. I couldn’t help but second-guess my decisions, worry about missing out on important milestones, and feel guilty when I enjoyed my new life abroad.
Where Does This Guilt Come From?
Guilt is normal — especially when you’re making a decision that shifts your life and affects those close to you. The sources of this guilt vary, but here are a few common ones:
- Family Expectations: My dad used to say, “You can live anywhere after you graduate, as long as it’s in Texas.” As the eldest child, I also felt a responsibility to be there for my siblings and my parents.
- Cultural Narratives: There’s often a sense of loyalty to your country, or a pressure to follow the traditional “American Dream,” which can make you feel guilty for wanting something different.
- Comparison: Seeing peers who stayed back in your home country can lead to feelings of guilt. You might feel like you’ve chosen a “selfish” path, leaving others behind.
Reframing the Guilt
The key to overcoming guilt is reframing it. The fact that you feel guilty means you care deeply about the people you’ve left behind, but it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Moving abroad is not selfish — it’s an act of personal growth. It’s an opportunity to expand your worldview, learn new things, and experience life in a way you never could if you stayed in your comfort zone.
Living abroad can even inspire your loved ones. By pursuing your dreams and stepping out of your comfort zone, you may be showing others what’s possible. You may even be inspiring them to think bigger, pursue their own goals, or explore the world.
Practical Ways to Handle Guilt
So, how do you manage the guilt without letting it hold you back? Here are some practical steps:
- Stay Connected: Make a point to stay in touch with your family and friends. Schedule regular calls or visits and share experiences online.
- Show Dedication: Show your loved ones that you care, even from afar. Be there for them when it counts — but don’t sweat the small stuff (like missing a cousin’s wedding or your sister’s ring dunk).
- Share Your Journey: Keep your loved ones in the loop about how you’re doing. My family became more supportive once they saw I was happy and thriving abroad.
- Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Your Life: Your happiness is not something you need to apologize for. You deserve to live your life to the fullest, and enjoying your life abroad doesn’t mean you don’t care about those you left behind.
- Reframe the Narrative: You’re not leaving people behind — you’re expanding your life. You’re gaining experiences, new perspectives, and skills that will benefit everyone around you.
Final Thoughts
Feeling guilty about moving abroad is normal, but it doesn’t have to hold you back. Your journey abroad is a way to grow, both personally and globally. Remember, you’re not abandoning your loved ones — you’re expanding your life, and by doing so, you may inspire those around you to do the same. You never know!
Take a moment to reflect:
- What part of your guilt is actually love and care?
- What part of it is fear or pressure you can release?
If you’re struggling with guilt, give yourself permission to embrace the life you’re creating abroad. Your move is a step towards something bigger and better, not just for you, but for everyone you care about.
