149: The grass isn’t always greener—but what if it is?
The Grass Is Not Always Greener — But What If It Is?
Have you ever caught yourself thinking about moving abroad and then immediately letting the grass is always greener moving abroad mindset talk you right back out of it?
Perhaps you picture yourself living in Italy, spending your mornings at a cafe. Or moving to Spain with the beach just a short walk away sounds more like you. You imagine a different life. A slower pace. A life that feels a little more like the version of yourself you have been dreaming about.
Then the questions start. What if you hate it? What if missing your family turns out to be harder than expected? Could making friends prove more difficult than you imagined? And what if you move and realize America actually had it better all along?
And then comes the thought that stops so many people from taking a single step. The grass is always greener. Probably you are just romanticizing it. Everywhere has problems after all. Perhaps you should just appreciate what you already have.
There is some truth to that. But the phrase has been taken way too far. Because sometimes the grass is not greener. Sometimes it is simply different. And you will not know which one it is until you actually look.
The Problem With the Grass Is Always Greener Mindset
Let me start with what this phrase is actually trying to tell us. When someone says the grass is always greener, they are warning you not to assume that another place is automatically better than where you are now. At its core that is genuinely good advice.
Every country has problems. Frustrations exist in every city too. Trade-offs come with every lifestyle choice. Moving to Italy means discovering things about Italy that irritate you. Choosing Spain means you will eventually complain about something there. And moving to London means the weather will almost certainly come up at some point.
If you move abroad expecting to find a magical place where everything is perfect, disappointment is likely. That part of the warning is worth hearing.
Where This Mindset Becomes Dangerous
Here is where the grass is always greener moving abroad mindset starts to cause real harm. Using the fact that nowhere is perfect as a reason not to pursue anything at all is where the phrase stops being wise and starts being a trap.
Downsides can always be found. Reasons to stay can always be invented. And if you have been dreaming about living abroad for years, there is a real chance you are using this mindset to protect yourself from risk rather than as genuine wisdom about your situation.
You Are Comparing Reality With Fantasy
One of the reasons the grass is always greener mindset is so powerful when it comes to moving abroad is that the comparison it sets up is fundamentally unfair.
Right now you are comparing your current life in reality with your imaginary life overseas. Those two things are not remotely the same.
What Your Current Life Actually Includes
Your real daily life includes the annoying commute, the difficult boss, the boring Tuesday evening, and the expensive rent. Family obligations, friend drama, grocery shopping, and laundry are all part of the picture too.
When you imagine moving abroad though, you tend to picture aperitivo in Italy, beaches in Spain, weekend trips across Europe, and long unhurried lunches. Of course that version wins the comparison. The playing field is not even close to level.
The Opposite Mistake
But then many people swing to the other extreme. Suddenly moving abroad means loneliness, never making friends, missing every holiday, hating bureaucracy, and regretting everything. Just like that your current life starts looking much more appealing.
Notice what is happening in both cases. Either you compare your current reality to an idealized fantasy of life abroad, or you compare it to the absolute worst case version of living overseas. Neither is fair or useful.
Every Choice Has a Grass
This is one of the most important ideas in the grass is always greener moving abroad conversation. There is no version of life free of sacrifice. Staying in the US involves trade-offs. Choosing Europe brings a different set of trade-offs entirely. Remaining in your current city, pursuing something new, or building a completely different life all come with things you have to give up.
There Is No Perfect Choice
We sometimes act as though the choice is between a perfect life and a risky one. In reality the choice is between one set of trade-offs and another set of trade-offs. Framing it that way is a much healthier starting point.
You are not looking for the country where everything is better. What you are actually looking for is the country where the things that matter most to you are better. That distinction changes the entire grass is always greener moving abroad conversation.
What Does Greener Actually Mean to You
Before honestly evaluating the grass is always greener moving abroad concern, getting specific about what you actually hope will be different is essential.
Wanting to move to Europe is the destination. But what is underneath it?
Perhaps you want more time outside, a stronger sense of community, or a more walkable lifestyle. Better public transportation, more vacation time, or a slower pace might be closer to the truth. Adventure, language learning, and proximity to other countries for travel are common answers too. For some people it comes down to wanting a better work-life balance or raising children in a different environment. For others it is simply this feeling of wanting to see what life could look like somewhere else entirely.
Taking Your Why Seriously
All of those are completely valid reasons. Taking them seriously rather than dismissing them with the grass is always greener label is what this decision actually deserves.
You Do Not Need to Prove That Abroad Is Better
Here is one of the most useful mindset shifts when it comes to moving abroad. Proving that Europe is better than America is not required. Neither is proving that Spain beats Texas or that Italy tops California. There is no single correct answer to any of those comparisons.
The Only Question Worth Asking
The only question worth asking is whether this life would be better for you. America might be better in some ways. Europe might be better in others. Perhaps you would love living abroad for five years and then want to move home. That is completely valid too.
Moving abroad does not have to mean declaring that your home country is terrible. It can simply mean wanting to experience something different. And that is reason enough.
What If You Move Abroad and Hate It
This is one of the biggest fears behind the grass is always greener moving abroad concern. And it is worth addressing directly.
You might move abroad and realize it is not for you. That is a real possibility. But treating that outcome as a disaster is where the fear becomes distorted.
What Actually Happens If It Does Not Work Out
Moving to Spain and hating it means you move somewhere else. Going home is always an option. Trying a different city or country is available to you. Changing the plan and learning something real about yourself in the process are both worthwhile outcomes.
That is not failure. That is gathering information you could not have gotten any other way.
Do Not Confuse Fear With Intuition
This distinction deserves its own section. It is one of the most important things to sort out before making any decision about moving abroad.
Sometimes there are real reasons not to move right now. Finances that genuinely do not work, family responsibilities that make it unrealistic, or a career that requires you to stay for a specific period are all valid reasons to wait.
Spotting Fear in Disguise
But sometimes what sounds like practical wisdom is actually fear wearing a disguise. Thinking this is not the right time often really means being scared. Telling yourself you are being unrealistic can simply mean you have never done anything like this before. And the grass is always greener thought can just mean you are afraid to take a risk and have it not work out.
Fear is not always a sign you should not do something. Sometimes it just means you care deeply about the outcome.
The Cost of Not Moving Abroad
We spend a lot of time asking what will happen if we move. But the grass is always greener moving abroad conversation rarely includes the opposite question. What will happen if you do not?
Imagine five years from now. You have not moved. Maybe your life is genuinely wonderful. A great career, a home, close relationships, and a sense of peace about staying are all completely valid outcomes.
The Question Worth Sitting With
But five years from now, what if you do not feel that way? Sitting there thinking you cannot believe you spent all those years talking yourself out of it is a very real possibility worth considering.
Staying is a choice. Not making a decision about moving abroad is still making a decision. And the cost of not pursuing a dream you have carried for years is just as real as the risk of pursuing it.
You Can Want More Without Being Ungrateful
The grass is always greener moving abroad mindset often comes with an undercurrent of guilt. As though wanting something different means being ungrateful for what you already have.
Loving your family and still wanting to live somewhere new are not mutually exclusive. At the same time, appreciating your career and craving a different pace of life can both be true at once. Being genuinely grateful for everything you have built while still feeling curious about what else might be possible is not a contradiction either.
Dreaming of moving abroad does not mean hating where you are from. Experiencing European life does not require thinking Europe is perfect. Curiosity about something different is not ingratitude. You are allowed to want more. Building a life that looks completely different from the one you originally imagined is entirely within your rights.
The Grass Is Different — And You Will Not Know Until You Look
Maybe the phrase we should actually be using is not the grass is always greener. Perhaps the grass is different is closer to the truth. Your job is not to find the place where the grass is universally better. Your real job is figuring out which grass you actually want to stand on.
Making Trade-Offs Intentional
What trade-offs are you willing to make? What matters enough that you are willing to give something else up for it? Every version of your life involves sacrifice. The question is whether you make those sacrifices on purpose or simply by default.
Choosing with your eyes open is what separates a life you built from a life you fell into.
You Do Not Have to Move Abroad Forever
Before wrapping up it is worth taking some pressure off this decision entirely.
Moving abroad does not have to mean leaving America forever. One year or two years is a complete and valid experience. A trial run, a sabbatical, or splitting your time between two places are all real options. Spending part of each year somewhere new is another possibility. Deciding what you want for the rest of your life is not required right now. Deciding what you want to try next is enough.
Framed that way, the grass is always greener moving abroad concern starts to feel a lot less scary.
Final Thoughts on the Grass Is Always Greener and Moving Abroad
If you have been dreaming about moving abroad but spent years telling yourself it is probably not better, everywhere has problems, you would probably miss home, or you are probably romanticizing it, one honest question is worth sitting with.
Are those actually reasons you do not want to move? Or are they reasons you are afraid to move?
Those are two very different things. And the answer matters more than most people realize.
Perhaps you will move abroad and discover that your life in America was exactly right for you. That is a valid and worthwhile thing to learn. Alternatively, you might discover that the life you have been imagining is exactly the life you needed. Either way, giving yourself permission to find out is the only way to know.
The grass is not always greener. But sometimes the grass you have been standing on just is not the grass you want anymore. And that is okay.
Moving is allowed. Feel free to change your mind along the way. Trying something completely new is entirely within your rights. Building a life that looks different from the one you originally imagined is allowed too.
So if moving abroad has been on your mind for years, maybe the question is not what if the grass is not greener. Perhaps the better question is what if it is?
Ready to take your first step? Grab the free guide, the 5 Exact Steps to Move Abroad, at jordangiberson.com/guide
Still figuring out which European city is the right fit for your lifestyle? Take the free quiz at jordangiberson.com/quiz
Worried about what people will say when you announce your move? Go listen to Episode 113: Things People Will Say When You Tell Them You Are Moving Abroad
Wondering what your first 30 days abroad will actually look like once you land? Read this next: The First 30 Days Living Abroad: What Nobody Tells You and Exactly What to Do
