137: Why some Americans love living abroad (and others move back home)
If living abroad is so amazing, why do some people move overseas, love it, and never come back, while others return home within a year or two?
You probably know both stories. The person who says living abroad was the best decision they ever made. And the person who says, “It just was not for me” or “It was great, but I’m moving back home.” So what is the real difference between those two people?
Today I am getting honest about what actually determines whether you will thrive living abroad or eventually decide to move back home. And the answer might surprise you.
The Biggest Mistake People Make Before Moving Abroad
Before diving into why some people love living abroad and others do not, we need to talk about the most common mistake people make before they even pack a single bag.
Many people treat moving abroad as a solution to problems they are already experiencing in their life. They tell themselves things like:
- I will finally be happier
- I will stop feeling stuck
- I will feel fulfilled
- My life will become exciting again
And here is the hard truth. Moving abroad changes your environment. It does not automatically change you.
Some of the challenges you are facing right now will follow you overseas. Anxiety does not disappear because you moved to a new country. Loneliness can actually feel more intense when you are far from home. Relationship issues, career uncertainty and a lack of direction do not get fixed just because your address changed.
A move abroad can absolutely help you create new opportunities and experience a fresh start. But it is not a magic reset button. The people who expect living abroad to solve every problem in their life are often the ones who end up most disappointed.
Before you move, it is worth asking yourself honestly: am I moving toward something, or am I running away from something? That question alone can completely change the outcome of your experience living abroad.
Why Some People Absolutely Love Living Abroad
So what is it that makes certain people thrive living abroad while others struggle? Here are the three biggest reasons.
Their Values Match Their New Country
The people who love living abroad the most are usually the ones whose personal values align naturally with the lifestyle their new country offers.
Think about someone who deeply values work-life balance, walkability, public transportation and access to travel. That person is going to feel right at home in most parts of Europe, where those values are woven into everyday life. The lifestyle they already wanted is simply more available to them abroad than it ever was back home.
Before you move, it is worth asking yourself what you genuinely value in daily life. If those values are better reflected in another country, living abroad is going to feel like coming home rather than starting over.
They Were Running Toward Something
The people who thrive living abroad are almost never the ones who were just trying to escape something. They were actively running toward something.
They had a clear vision. Maybe it was adventure, a specific lifestyle, a career opportunity, language immersion, personal growth or even a partner. Whatever the reason, they knew why they were moving, and that clarity gave them something to hold onto when things got hard.
If you can answer the question of what you are moving toward clearly and specifically, you are already ahead of most people who dream about living abroad but never quite make it there.
They Embrace Discomfort
This is the one that most people do not talk about enough, and it might be the most important of all.
Every international move involves bureaucracy, culture shock, frustration and uncertainty. There is no way around it. But the people who absolutely love living abroad are the ones who expect these challenges and see them as part of the experience rather than a sign that they made the wrong decision.
Instead of saying this is so frustrating or we would never do things this way back home, they say that is really interesting or I am figuring this out. They lean into the differences rather than resisting them. And that mindset shift makes all the difference between thriving and struggling when living abroad.
Why Some People End Up Moving Back Home
Moving back home after living abroad is not failure. It is simply learning what kind of life suits you best. But it is worth understanding the most common reasons it happens so you can go in with realistic expectations.
They Missed Their Support System More Than Expected
This is the one that catches most people off guard. Before moving abroad, many people underestimate just how much they will miss the everyday things. Family dinners. Old friends who just get them. Shared cultural references. The deep comfort of familiarity.
These things become more valuable once they are gone. And for some people, that realization is enough to bring them back home. That is not a failure. That is self-awareness, and it is a completely valid reason to return.
They Never Felt Fully Settled
Some people struggle to build a genuine sense of belonging when living abroad. The language barrier feels too big. Making friends feels impossible. Building community from scratch feels exhausting. And without that feeling of being rooted somewhere, even the most beautiful city in the world can start to feel isolating.
The good news is that this is largely within your control. Building community abroad requires you to be proactive. You have to be the one who initiates, who invites people to dinner, who puts yourself out there consistently. The people who feel most settled living abroad are the ones who prioritize building real relationships from day one.
Their Expectations Were Unrealistic
Some people move abroad imagining constant travel, constant excitement and constant happiness. And while living abroad is genuinely wonderful, it is still life.
You still have to do your grocery shopping. You still deal with work stress. You still have to pay taxes and deal with visa renewals and handle all of the ordinary, unglamorous parts of being a functioning adult. Life abroad is not a permanent holiday. It is just life, lived somewhere different and often more beautifully. But it is still life.
The people who go in with realistic expectations are the ones who are able to settle in, embrace the ordinary moments and build something genuinely meaningful living abroad.
Important Questions to Ask Yourself Before Moving Abroad
Instead of jumping straight to asking where should I move, start with a deeper and more important question. What kind of life am I actually trying to create?
Here are some questions worth sitting with before you make the move:
- What am I hoping will be different about my life abroad?
- What do I genuinely enjoy about my current life that I want to carry with me?
- What would I miss most, and is that something I can find abroad?
- How comfortable am I with uncertainty and change?
- Am I moving toward something or away from something?
- What does my ideal week actually look like, and does living abroad make that possible?
These questions will not only help you decide whether living abroad is right for you. They will help you move with intention rather than just hope, which makes a significant difference in how your experience unfolds.
The People Most Likely to Thrive Living Abroad
In my experience, the people who do best living abroad tend to share a few key traits. See how many of these resonate with you.
They are curious. They genuinely enjoy learning new ways of doing things. They find cultural differences fascinating rather than frustrating.
They are flexible. They do not need everything to work exactly the way it does back home. They adapt, adjust and keep moving forward.
They are proactive. They build friendships and community intentionally. They do not wait for belonging to come to them. They go out and create it.
They are patient. They understand that truly feeling settled takes time and they do not give up before they get there.
They accept trade-offs. They recognize that every country gives you something and every country takes something away. No place is perfect, and they are okay with that.
If you read through that list and recognized yourself, living abroad might be one of the best decisions you ever make.
The Real Question to Ask Yourself
Moving abroad can be one of the best decisions you ever make in your life. Or it can teach you that your home country was actually a better fit than you realized. And here is the thing, neither outcome is failure.
The goal is not to force yourself to stay abroad forever. The goal is to build a life that genuinely makes you happy and fulfilled.
So instead of asking will living abroad make me happy, try asking a better question:
Does the life I am imagining abroad align with who I am and what I value most?
That is the question that most often determines whether someone falls in love with living abroad or eventually decides to move back home. And only you can answer it.
Final Thoughts on Living Abroad
Whether you stay for one year or twenty, the decision to move abroad and actually give it a shot is never something people regret. In all my years of talking to people who have lived abroad, I have never once heard someone say they wish they had not tried.
The real regret comes from never trying at all.
So if you have been sitting on this dream for a while, asking yourself whether it is too late or whether you are the kind of person who could really make it work living abroad, I want you to know that you probably are. And the only way to find out for sure is to take the first step.
Ready to take your first step toward living abroad? Grab the free guide, the 5 Exact Steps to Move Abroad, at jordangiberson.com/guide
Worried about what people will say when you announce your move? I have got you covered.
👉 Listen to Episode 113: Things People Will Say When You Tell Them You Are Moving Abroad
Still figuring out where to go?
👉 Take the free quiz and find out which European city is the right fit for you
