135: What living abroad for YEARS actually feels like
What Nobody Tells You About Living Abroad for Years
Most content about moving abroad focuses on the dream. The excitement of imagining a new life in a new country. Or it covers the practicalities of the actual move, finding a visa, getting a job, figuring out where to live. Maybe it touches on the first few months of adjusting to a new place.
But very few people talk about what happens after all of that. What happens when living abroad stops feeling new and becomes your actual life.
That is exactly what I want to talk about today.
When I First Moved Abroad
When I first moved abroad, I thought the hardest part would be getting there. Finding a visa, getting a job, figuring out where to live.
What I did not realize is that eventually living abroad stops feeling like an adventure and starts feeling like real life.
Nobody really prepares you for that moment. Nobody tells you what it feels like to be five, six, or seven years into living in another country, when the novelty has worn off and this place you once dreamed about is simply just home.
So if you are dreaming about moving abroad, or you are in the early stages of your life overseas, this one is for you. I want you to see what life can look like years down the line, not just the first chapter, but the whole story.
The First Year vs. Year Five of Living Abroad
Let me paint a picture of what the contrast actually looks like.
In the beginning, everything feels exciting. You are constantly discovering new things. Every single weekend feels like an adventure. You are learning and growing at a pace that feels almost dizzying. The grocery stores have different names. The pharmacy brands are unfamiliar. Public transportation feels completely foreign if you are used to driving everywhere. Even the architecture around you feels like something out of a movie.
Everything is new. Everything is exciting. And yes, everything is a little overwhelming, even if you do not consciously realize it at the time.
Years later, things look very different. You have routines. You have your favorite coffee shops that you visit on autopilot. You know exactly how the grocery store works. You have friend groups. You have work responsibilities. You have a life.
And that is the key point I want you to really hear:
At some point, you are no longer visiting your new country. You are living there. It truly feels like home.
That shift is subtle. It does not happen overnight. But one day you wake up and realize that this place, this city that once felt so foreign and overwhelming, is simply where you live. And that feeling is honestly one of the best feelings in the world.
It Starts Feeling Normal in the Best Way
A lot of people worry in the early days that they will never truly feel settled. That they will always feel like an outsider. That living abroad will always feel a little foreign and uncomfortable.
I want to reassure you. That feeling goes away.
I remember the first time I navigated somewhere in the city without pulling up Google Maps. I remember having my spots, the coffee shop I always went to on Saturday mornings, the park I walked through on my way to work, the restaurant I took every visitor to. I remember the moment the city stopped feeling like somewhere I was exploring and started feeling like somewhere I belonged.
One day you realize you are not figuring life out anymore. You are just living it.
And that is such a beautiful moment. It is the moment that living abroad truly pays off. Not the moment you land. Not the moment you get your first paycheck in a new country. The moment it just feels normal.
How Living Abroad for Years Changes You as a Person
This is where things get a little deeper. Because living abroad for years does not just change your address. It changes you. And I say this in the most positive way possible.
You become more independent. When you live in a foreign country, you have no choice but to solve problems on your own. You figure things out. You navigate systems that are unfamiliar. And over time you realize that everything is figureoutable, and that confidence carries over into every area of your life.
You become more adaptable. Living abroad means constantly navigating uncertainty. Things work differently. Processes are different. Culture is different. And the more you practice adapting, the better you get at handling whatever life throws at you.
You become more confident. There is something powerful about knowing you have already done something hard. You packed up your life, moved to another country, and built something from scratch. That kind of experience builds a quiet and deep confidence that is hard to shake.
You become more open-minded. You have seen firsthand that there are so many different ways to live a good life. Different cultures, different values, different rhythms of living. That perspective changes the way you see everything.
I ask myself sometimes, would I be the same person if I had never left? And honestly, the answer is no. I am still fundamentally myself. But I have grown in ways I never could have if I had stayed put. And I am so grateful for that.
The Honest Downsides of Living Abroad Nobody Talks About
I want to be honest here, because living abroad for years is not without its challenges. I think it is important to talk about the real ones, not to scare you, but to prepare you.
Missing Important Moments
This one is hard. When you live abroad, you will miss things. Weddings. Birthdays. Family gatherings. Holidays. Baby showers. There is simply no way around it.
The emotional reality of distance is real. There will be moments where you feel the weight of being so far away from the people you love. You have to make peace with the fact that you cannot be everywhere at once.
What I have found is that it helps to be really intentional about showing up for the big moments, the ones that truly matter. But you also have to accept that you will miss some things, and that is just part of the life you have chosen.
Feeling Between Two Worlds
This is something a lot of long-term expats experience, and it is worth talking about honestly.
Home changes while you are away. You change too. And sometimes, after years of living abroad, you find yourself in a strange in-between space, not feeling fully rooted in your new country, but also not feeling like you fully belong back home anymore either.
You belong in both places, but sometimes it feels like you belong completely in neither.
I have mostly experienced this as a positive thing. I get the best of both worlds when I visit home and when I come back. But it can feel disorienting at times, and that is a completely normal part of the long-term expat experience.
Friendships Require More Effort
Friend groups evolve. People move. People get married and have kids and their lives change. When you are living in another country, maintaining friendships back home requires real intentionality.
You have to decide which relationships you want to invest in and then actually show up for them through voice notes, FaceTime calls, and visits home. Building community in your new country is also an ongoing process. It does not happen automatically, and it takes time.
But the friendships that survive the distance? Those are the ones worth keeping.
The Things That Stop Feeling Special When Living Abroad
Here is something that might surprise you.
After years of living abroad, some of the things that once amazed you start to feel completely normal. Cheap flights to incredible cities. Historic architecture around every corner. Cultural differences that once fascinated you. International travel that once felt like a luxury.
The things that once amazed you become everyday life.
But here is the important thing. That does not make them less valuable. It just means you have genuinely built a life here. And there is something really beautiful about that.
The Things You Appreciate More After Years Abroad
On the flip side, there are things you appreciate more after years abroad than you ever did in the beginning.
Walkability. The ability to walk out your front door and get everywhere you need to go without a car. Public transport that actually works. A better work-life balance. Access to incredible travel. Diverse and multicultural communities. Healthcare systems that work differently than what you grew up with.
In the beginning you might notice these things but not fully appreciate them. But years in, you understand just how much they shape the quality of your daily life. And you are genuinely grateful for them in a way that only comes with time.
The Big Question Every Long-Term Expat Eventually Asks
At some point, whether it is your family asking, your friends asking, or just yourself lying awake at night, the question comes up.
Will I stay forever?
Most people living abroad long-term think about this. And I want to tell you something important. You do not have to have the answer.
Your goals will evolve. Your priorities will shift. The person you are in year one is not the same person you will be in year five. And that is okay.
I once met someone who had the best answer to this question. When her family kept asking how long she was staying, she simply said:
“I am here until further notice.”
I love that. Because the truth is, you do not have to decide forever. You just have to decide for now. Give yourself a goal, even just one year, and see how you feel. Evaluate as you go. Let life unfold a little.
You do not have to have it all figured out before you start.
What Living Abroad for Years Has Taught Me
After years of building a life in another country, here is what I know to be true.
Life can be built more than once. You can completely start over in a new place and create something genuinely beautiful. It does not have to look like what you left behind.
There is not one right place to live. There are so many places in the world where you could build a happy and fulfilling life. Do not let the pressure of finding the perfect place stop you from choosing somewhere and going.
Home can be multiple places. I feel at home in more than one city now. That does not make either one less real or less meaningful. It just means your heart is big enough for both.
Growth comes from uncertainty. The moments that stretched me the most were the moments I was the most uncertain. Living abroad for years will be one of the greatest growth experiences of your life, not just in the beginning, but over years and years.
You are more capable than you think. It might feel scary. It might feel impossible. But you are so much more capable than you are giving yourself credit for.
Final Thoughts on What Living Abroad for Years Really Feels Like
When I first moved abroad, I thought the goal was to move.
Looking back, moving was actually just the beginning.
The real story has been everything that came after. The routines built, the friendships made, the person I became, the life I built from scratch in a city I once only dreamed about living in.
And that is something I never could have understood before I experienced it.
If you are dreaming about moving abroad, I want you to know it is good on the other side. Years in, I still look around this city and feel genuinely grateful that I get to live here. That feeling does not go away.
You do not need to figure out the next ten years right now. Just take it one step at a time. Think about getting there first, and let the rest fall into place.
The life waiting for you on the other side is worth it. I promise.
Feeling nervous about what people will say when you announce your move? I have got you covered. 👉 Listen to Episode 113: Things People Will Say When You Tell Them You Are Moving Abroad (And How to Respond)
Not sure which country is the right fit for you yet? 👉 Take the free quiz to find out which European city you should move to
